i really need to work on it. i really need to face reality. i feel like im living in my dreams. i cannot accept it,that things i wish will never come true. i really need to open my eyes to the world already. i wanna start anew. i dont wanna hurt anymore. i know im not perfect. but at the end of the day. who is. right?why do you do this to me all the time :/
Friday, August 27, 2010
im so pissed off right now. im angry at myself. i never wanted to be such a let down. im sorry i am. i dont know why i just dont do things right. lately,ive been such an idiot. everything's just not in place. everything's in a huge mess. for once i want to do something right that someone will be proud of. i wonder how hard it is for a parent to raise a child like me. i dont know. i just dont feel like im worth it :/ and i want to be a good friend. i suck. i need air. :''(
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
pig,i love you and i want you to love yourself. i believe you and i want you to believe yourself. you are strong and you gotta be. iqyn,i love you babe.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
sometimes,i think bout my life and just kind of want to bang my head into a wall.
Monday, August 16, 2010
*its gonna be a long one*
everthing is not ok. why am i so mess up. im not going anywhere. im still stuck in this emotional confusing situasion ive been in since forever. im never good enough for anyone. for anything. i dont know why i dont excel in anything i do when ive tried my very very best. ever felt something so annoying in your life. cant get people to be proud of you. im feeling that right now. ive never made anyone proud of me :/ there's alot going thru my life right now. i feel so invisible. why no one,notice that im here. why everyone acts like as if i dont exist. sometimes i compare myself to other. why am i so unlucky. i wanna feel that i did something in life. im not feeling it right now. im not good in studies. nor am i good in life. daily stuff. i hate the fact that you ignored me for so long,then you start talking to me like nothing happened. and by saying the simplest thing,you made me smile. ive never really hated something so much but now i hate my life so so so much. like im not doing anything excellent in my life at this point in time. i feel like im such a burden. why am i such a burden to my parents. ive always got tricked by people so much that im used to it. i dont even know how it feels to not feel the pain in your heart. im used to it. im used to people,fooling me around. im used to be the worst student in class. im used to,people looking down on me. when can anyone come up to me and say,"hey girl you really do me proud. you've really got on your feet." sometimes i wonder what will happen if one day i went missing,would anyone care. i wanna see how they react. when i truly care for someone,they'll take me for granted. its ok,you're in love. with someone else :/ i miss the way my life were before,all organised. now,its just different. i feel the room getting smaller,closing in on me. the walls slowly suffocating me. this is slowly killing me,why cant anyone see that. and why wont anyone help me tear them down. fuck this life,im going thru right now.
when lifes knock you down,i will not stay on the ground?
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
i dont know why im crying right now. its like the whole worlds colapsing. sometimes you cant tell anyone how you really feels inside. not because you dont know why and also not because you dont know your purpose. not because you dont trust em' either. but because you dont have the right words to make em' understand. this life im going thru right now is such a mess. i dont know if telling people what im going thru is a good idea. but keeping it to myself is even harder. its killing me inside. i bet no one would understand. its just too much. parents,i hope you guys get better. how do you know that someone really appreciate you. i wonder. im such a burden :/
Sunday, August 8, 2010
what do i do now?
its like some kind of a routine.
stmf.stares.shutup.
thats all right.
that is what you've been doing all this while.
tell me im wrong. ah god.
dont you get it.
when i say im fine,im lying.
and thats the time when i need you the most.
but most of the time,you dont get it.
i dont want you to want me,
because you dont have any option.
i want you to want me because you want to.
i want you to want me even tho you have lots of options.
there's a huge diffs :/
sometimes its hard to deferentiate
Dream with Reality.
cliffhanging-
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
so many people have left my life. the once i treasure the most,the once i love with all my heart. so from now on,as soon as i meet someone new. i will be prepared for the worst. never take someone's feeling as a joke. you will never know how much it fucking hurt. its too bad ive loved an idiot so much.
Monday, August 2, 2010
ive always love you. & ive always trusted you. but you took it for granted. i dont know you anymore. we're not going anywhere. so tell me whats happening. i understand,these thing takes time but ive been giving you time,space. what else do you want. i just wanted an answer,thats all. the naked truth is better than the best dressed lie. stop doing this to me. you dont wanna love me anymore,fine. just tell me where you're going with this.
