Make it worth the pain.

2010-12-21T05:37:00.001-08:00

the invisible girl she've always been
its been a very very long time since i last on the comp. my comp mcm siak,as usual. no connection. now at my aunt's thats why i can use. ok so there's alot of things that happened. youknow,you wont know how much you have feelings for someone until they leave you. i dont know what im thinking but i kinda miss you. maybe alot. i miss the friend youve always been when im around you. ok thats all. have you ever feel so empty. have you ever feel like you're invisible like no one notice you. cause i really feel like no one knows me,no one want to know me. the feeling you had when everyone else is out there living the life they dream of while you're hear trying to figure out what really are you good at and how you wanna live your life. ive never felt important before :/ no one takes me seriously. like for once,i wanna be taken seriously you know. i cant keep falling on my knees. i know that. i just need help alright. just give me the respect i needed. thats all i ever wish for, you see. k thats one thing. now its a total diffirent topic. ok so im not gonna lie to myself. i still do hope that one day you'll realise that ive always been here for you. waiting for you. i go crazy everyday thinking that maybe you're embarass of knowing me in the first place. yknow that? i really do. i know im not pretty unlike you're other friends but really i sincerely love you. i really need you in my life. i can never get you out of my mind. as much as i wanna smile and think bout all the times we shared i really cant. you're very special,but you stab me right in my heart. it leave a very huge scar in me. but still as a very stubborn little lady,i kept on wishing. i know thats probably not the best thing to do but i really believe in you. i really do. you changed my whole life. i wish you could come back. you have no idea how much i miss knowing you. dont know what you're doing to me with your love. you get me so tied up. something bout the way you look in my eye. pain i kept all this while is killing me inside. so thats my life,tough life.

2010-12-06T04:11:00.000-08:00

i never had a chance to tell you i still long for you.

you dont know how much i suffered. you really dont.

you cant see how much i need you.

hello,ive missed you quite terribly.

2010-11-21T23:50:00.000-08:00

well then youre wrong. it hurts just to think of you. yknow that. i'll cry over you everynight. thinking that you'll never realise tht ive been here all this while. what hurts the most was being so close to you. where were you when i said i love you. where were you when i cry at night. huh huh huh? i remember when i walked out. i remember when i scream i hated you. but somehow deep inside,still loving you :/ im still not over you. fcuk. fc

2010-11-21T23:38:00.000-08:00

2010-11-17T23:48:00.000-08:00

you think it feels good to be fooled around. you wont know how it feels until you experience it for yourself. ive been keeping it all inside. but now. i had enough. i had enough. take me seriously for once,all of you. fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucker.

2010-10-29T05:06:00.000-07:00

lifes not easy. we just gotta be thankful of what we already have. i guess. im thankful,i own a beautiful family. a father that gives 100 and 1 percent in everything he do. a mother who never stop believing in her childrens. sometimes we just dont appr whats in front of us. and we try every possible way to get better stuff. thats just human nature. idiots big time :/

2010-10-17T22:59:00.000-07:00

all this,eventually itll end. i bet. you just need to know that nothing will stay the way it is. sooner or later things will get better. eventho you think you're just a burden to some. always remember they'll always be someone that will support you till the end. no one is a burden its just the way of how you see yourself. like what you said, "i know im not perfect but at the end of the day,who is." right? you said that right. see,you know it for yourself. we all make mistakes. who doesnt. we just have to face it and never do it again. dont take it hard on yourself. you're just another person that make mistake. i hate it when you dislike yourself. ok bye love ya.

2010-10-15T23:27:00.000-07:00

as days goes by. i felt more and more comfortable being around you. but unfortunately i know that this never suppose to happen. i never should have felt comfortable with you cause i dont belong with you.

2010-10-10T06:30:00.000-07:00

"Your Silence Screams Goodbye"

It's been so long since I have seen your face

But it's better that way

I'm dizzy and so lost

I don't understand how you have won once again

How do you do this so well

You're hurting me can't you tell

You played me for a fool

And when I thought I had control

You dropped me down and let me know

Loves a game here nothings real

Your words so well rehearsed

You lied to me that's not a first

So the story goes with no end

And once again your silence screams goodbye

You'd think by now I'd learn your games

But somehow I forget

Someone like you could be so vain

I'm sick of wasting my time texting you every midnight

Hoping that you'll change

You will always be the same

You played me for a fool

And when I thought I had control

You dropped me down and let me know

Loves a game here nothings real

Your words so well rehearsedY

ou lied to me that's not a first

So the story goes with no end

And once again your silence screams goodbye

Goodbye, goodbye

Silence screams, silence screams goodbye

2010-10-04T05:26:00.000-07:00

we know ourself. we know we're all independent. but i bet sometimes,we just need to be pamper. we just need someone to be there for us all the time. but unfortunately in my case,most of the time there wouldnt be anybody to stand by me. hug me. say im good enough at least for something. breaks my heart real bad.

2010-09-28T06:37:00.000-07:00

but its almost enough to know its one way love :/

bellamy

2010-09-24T05:51:00.000-07:00

never good enough.

wah siak. one thing after another eh. i never stop liking him until you came along. you make me lost all my words when i have to talk to you. you make me trip on flat surface when i saw you from far. you really make me a different person. you make me impressed just by doing what you do best. its the way you look me in my eyes. you make me feel so right. everything bout you make me go crazy. but now when i started to have that feelings for you,i got to know that you crush on someone else. i thought this time round things will get better. but we just cant assume things,can we. they can never turn out to be what we wanted them to. if i were to come early that day,none of this would ever happened. but its just me to blame. im just a shame of myself. i dont know what im suppose to do. i dont want you to know. but i somehow want you to know. that smile you put up when you're talking bout her made my day. its like you've never been this happy,knowing a girl. and i dont want to ruin it. you seems so sincere. your smile's like my air. what hurts most is when someone you have feelings for talk to you bout that someone they have feelings for. and if you're in that situation you dont know what you're suppose to do next. i dont know what i m suppose to do. am i suppose to cry,tell him what i really feel towards him,smile or encourage him to crush on her more. its like you dont wanna ruin their smile by saying you like him when he's talking bout that lucky someone. but when you keep it all inside,it really is painful. i wont stop,maybe one day you'll figured out what i was feeling all this while. i really hope so. unexplainable feelings inside this tiny thing,heart. its hard to accept. argh,im just a let down.

2010-09-20T05:07:00.000-07:00

im too tired of people walking all over me. i gave you the respect you needed but you really cant see it do you. i treat you like you're everything to me but i finally realise you really could care less bout whats happening between us. partially my fault for trusting someone like you. you dont take us seriously. when was the last time you did something for the first time. you ditch me,for all time. you didnt call me when you promised you would. you didnt change when you seriously swear you would. you didnt do all this for the first time,you did this all the bloody time. i get so fucked up with your attitude. i was fooled from the start,and i gave my heart. cause i believe we'll work. but now that things starting to fall apart. i really should move on. i know ive been saying this a thousand time but now its foreal. i dont want to be step on anymore. i gave you face all this while. i cant take it any longer. i need someone to appriate me,i really do. please dont hurt me anymore :/

2010-09-16T07:37:00.000-07:00

Raye. Happening rabaknye.

2010-09-16T07:01:00.000-07:00

there's something i gotta say to you. but im afraid of what you'll do. i'll admit this to you now. that im stuck on you like glue somehow. issh,i cant believe i fall for you.

2010-09-08T05:40:00.000-07:00

Family.

sometimes you gotta go thru it,in order to feel it. i feel like no one is proud of me. like no one cares bout me. like no one ever wanted me here in the first place. i felt so left out. i did nothing great in my lfe that anyone could be proud of. im just a burden. no one cares if i was trying my best to get the jod done. no one cares if im trying my fcking best just to make sure that someone,at least someone,is gonna be proud of me. im tired of people telling me that im still a kid. im tired of people treating me like one. im tired of people comparing me to others. im tired being the one that people look down at. i want to feel that someone loves me. i want to feel the love. i want to feel that someone's always there for me when people are comparing me to other. for once,i wanna feel that im not a stranger. i want people to accept me for they way i am. i want people to know that im trying my best to be a better person. i may not be the best daughter,friend,sister but i surely promise i'll try to be one. whenever people start comparing me to someone else. i'll feel this irritating feeling inside me. and most of the time i cant control my tears. haissh. no one understands me. or maybe,i dont even understand myself. im not good enough for anything. anyone. im disgusted of myself.momma i beg you please stop comparing me to abang. momma i am so dissapointed in you. and in myself too :'(

2010-09-06T20:30:00.000-07:00

ive been holding on for too long i guess. sometimes you just gotta accept the fact that not everything can be fix. and sometimes things just dont go your way. and thats the time when you gotta stand up for yourself and go thru life like it meant to be. and thats when you open your eyes to things that are more important in life.all the best,iqyn. for me and for you too girl. i cant take it any longer. like he doesnt even give a damn. so why should i. right. im just gonna be another promise he cant keep. i hope i can go thru all this. and i hope you can too.

2010-09-02T06:10:00.000-07:00

2010-08-31T06:09:00.000-07:00

i really need to work on it. i really need to face reality. i feel like im living in my dreams. i cannot accept it,that things i wish will never come true. i really need to open my eyes to the world already. i wanna start anew. i dont wanna hurt anymore. i know im not perfect. but at the end of the day. who is. right? why do you do this to me all the time :/

2010-08-27T18:41:00.000-07:00

im so pissed off right now. im angry at myself. i never wanted to be such a let down. im sorry i am. i dont know why i just dont do things right. lately,ive been such an idiot. everything's just not in place. everything's in a huge mess. for once i want to do something right that someone will be proud of. i wonder how hard it is for a parent to raise a child like me. i dont know. i just dont feel like im worth it :/ and i want to be a good friend. i suck. i need air. :''(

2010-08-25T06:46:00.000-07:00

pig,i love you and i want you to love yourself. i believe you and i want you to believe yourself. you are strong and you gotta be. iqyn,i love you babe.

2010-08-22T05:22:00.001-07:00

sometimes,i think bout my life and just kind of want to bang my head into a wall.

2010-08-16T05:24:00.000-07:00

*its gonna be a long one*

everthing is not ok. why am i so mess up. im not going anywhere. im still stuck in this emotional confusing situasion ive been in since forever. im never good enough for anyone. for anything. i dont know why i dont excel in anything i do when ive tried my very very best. ever felt something so annoying in your life. cant get people to be proud of you. im feeling that right now. ive never made anyone proud of me :/ there's alot going thru my life right now. i feel so invisible. why no one,notice that im here. why everyone acts like as if i dont exist. sometimes i compare myself to other. why am i so unlucky. i wanna feel that i did something in life. im not feeling it right now. im not good in studies. nor am i good in life. daily stuff. i hate the fact that you ignored me for so long,then you start talking to me like nothing happened. and by saying the simplest thing,you made me smile. ive never really hated something so much but now i hate my life so so so much. like im not doing anything excellent in my life at this point in time. i feel like im such a burden. why am i such a burden to my parents. ive always got tricked by people so much that im used to it. i dont even know how it feels to not feel the pain in your heart. im used to it. im used to people,fooling me around. im used to be the worst student in class. im used to,people looking down on me. when can anyone come up to me and say,"hey girl you really do me proud. you've really got on your feet." sometimes i wonder what will happen if one day i went missing,would anyone care. i wanna see how they react. when i truly care for someone,they'll take me for granted. its ok,you're in love. with someone else :/ i miss the way my life were before,all organised. now,its just different. i feel the room getting smaller,closing in on me. the walls slowly suffocating me. this is slowly killing me,why cant anyone see that. and why wont anyone help me tear them down. fuck this life,im going thru right now.

when lifes knock you down,i will not stay on the ground?

2010-08-11T03:24:00.000-07:00

i dont know why im crying right now. its like the whole worlds colapsing. sometimes you cant tell anyone how you really feels inside. not because you dont know why and also not because you dont know your purpose. not because you dont trust em' either. but because you dont have the right words to make em' understand. this life im going thru right now is such a mess. i dont know if telling people what im going thru is a good idea. but keeping it to myself is even harder. its killing me inside. i bet no one would understand. its just too much. parents,i hope you guys get better. how do you know that someone really appreciate you. i wonder. im such a burden :/

2010-08-08T21:58:00.000-07:00

what do i do now?

its like some kind of a routine.

stmf.stares.shutup.

thats all right.

that is what you've been doing all this while.

tell me im wrong. ah god.

dont you get it.

when i say im fine,im lying.

and thats the time when i need you the most.

but most of the time,you dont get it.

i dont want you to want me,

because you dont have any option.

i want you to want me because you want to.

i want you to want me even tho you have lots of options.

there's a huge diffs :/

sometimes its hard to deferentiate

Dream with Reality.

cliffhanging-

2010-08-07T00:49:00.000-07:00

2010-08-03T06:09:00.000-07:00

so many people have left my life. the once i treasure the most,the once i love with all my heart. so from now on,as soon as i meet someone new. i will be prepared for the worst. never take someone's feeling as a joke. you will never know how much it fucking hurt. its too bad ive loved an idiot so much.

2010-08-02T05:01:00.001-07:00

ive always love you. & ive always trusted you. but you took it for granted. i dont know you anymore. we're not going anywhere. so tell me whats happening. i understand,these thing takes time but ive been giving you time,space. what else do you want. i just wanted an answer,thats all. the naked truth is better than the best dressed lie. stop doing this to me. you dont wanna love me anymore,fine. just tell me where you're going with this.

2010-07-31T23:07:00.001-07:00

empty promises.

2010-07-29T04:05:00.001-07:00

dont you talk bout shame to me. you dont know what it is. dont you fucking bring 'shame' up to me. you think im gonna buy all your shits now. not any more you fcking sucker.

thought you're gonna stay out of my life. but no,you're still gonna ruin my

life huh. no-life-son-of-a-bitch. i dont fcking insult your mother,

you better dont start insulting mine.

ok byye now longlost friend.

remember i love you.

your mother's pussy.

2010-07-27T06:36:00.000-07:00

my nose is so fcking irritating. like water tap. i keep on sneezing. in 1min,88 times. how awesome is that huh!? cb. today ndp rehersal,i 'sedia' with a packet of tissue in my hand. how cool. not. larva in my eyes. my eyes getting hotter inside. what is all this? please say im not getting sick anytime soon. ok,i have alot of undone stuffs to do. been very busy in school plus after school. so i wont be updating this piece of shit(blog) everyday. i wanna try stay away from this monster,computer. i need a break. computer just remind me of everything. so i really really need a break from all this. so byyyyyyyye. much love. peace? :B

2010-07-26T06:54:00.000-07:00

i miss you girl. jueta i hope you're feeling better already :B

2010-07-26T05:48:00.001-07:00

you said we could work it out,how could you hurt me now. sumpah im missing you badly now. you dont know how much i wanna feel you. you may not care but i do. and i wont forget the way you loved me. ive been wondering why,why cant we be just like any other happy people. ive been wondering what the hell do i want. and i think ive got the answer,i wanna feel your touch. i wanna feel you. you're all i needed. i miss you. i miss how your lips reaches my cheek. why let me walk alone :/

2010-07-25T06:30:00.000-07:00

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥Fazirah menghargai pengorbanan yang ayah lakukan untuk orang♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

2010-07-24T10:10:00.000-07:00

2010-07-21T03:25:00.000-07:00

yes its my second post of the day. ive got alot,alot,to say. so bear with me for a moment aite. i feel like killing myself. im such a pain in the ass. i dont know why but im starting to like him even more. i know its wrong. (isit?) but you dont seem to care,at all. i love you yes i do but i cant help it. please come back. take me with you. so i wont fall for him deeper. and if i wont fall for him,that means i wont betray you. i dont want to betray you. i dont wanna dissapoint you. i miss you. i dont wanna leave you. but im starting to have that feelings for him. come back. its all my fault. i dont want to hurt you despite how much you've hurt me. i know you didnt mean to (i hope so) argggh. what am i up to now. i cant be liking someone else when im still with you,can i. i swear,its gonna be easier when you're here with me. i need you. i dont want you to act all strangerly infront of me. i want you. the one,who never ignores. the one who cares. please know that whatever happens to us,i will always love you. you will always be my number one. people see me as that cheerful-full of nonsence girl. seems happy everytime. but no one knows,how i suffered. how much pain ive been facing. ive been searching for answers. i wanna know who am i to you. what are we. whats all this. if you're just fooling with my feelings,for the 1000000001th times. if you think i am one kind of a loser. if all this means nothing to you. if you know,that i truthfully love you with all my heart. and if your attitude would change when you know all of this/when you know how precious you are in my life. would it change how you treat me,boy. i'll always be right beside you,even if you doesnt know it at all.

2010-07-21T02:40:00.000-07:00

so today was Racial Harmony alright. and it was so fun,i swear\m/ see those cool happening students up there. we wore our bajus. including awesome aidil :B in class,all the malays wore their costumes. it just shows how happening we are,right. yup. hehe. aidil change after recess,i think. and everyone looks so good. good looking,cool people. hehehe. ok da byyyye.

2010-07-20T08:12:00.000-07:00

tmrw's Racial Harmony crap. as everyone in the school's talking about. i do not,i swear,i do not know what to wear. haisssh. loser la you amira. still cosidering actually. but i think im bringing it but not sure if im wearing it to school. hehe. i'll be such a noob wearing costumes walking to school. and not to mention,my house is only 2 blocks away from main gate. HEHEHE. but still i dont wanna look like some idiot. ok enough. i didnt know,my guy was so good in rugby. wooo. :B you rock,{insertname} . HEHE. you asked me why i havent talk to you for so long. maybe its because you're slowly pushing me out of your life. -.- i miss the way you used to stare at me. eventho i thought it was creepy but at least it was you. now its all diff,you're not you. you're not the guy i used to know so well before. i just wanted you. the real you. the old you. the new one suck,i swear :\ ok,now. imma go iron my costumes,hehe. k byyyyyyyyyyee.

2010-07-18T09:59:00.000-07:00

its 1 in the morning *sleepy face* . just finished doing the ridiculous ass cube(thanks to both of us,iqyn -.- lol),ironing my school unif,wash face,dig butt :p. now i wanna read my book and if i cannot take it anymore then i'll sleep. and tmrw having 2.4 argh great. byyyyyyyye.

2010-07-17T08:35:00.000-07:00

ive come to realise that whenever you hate somebody because there's reasons to it,you guys still have hope. but when you hate that somebody because you just simply hate 'em. and that is when there's no more hope to improve anything in the f.ship/r.ship. like seriously. i hate you,i dont seem to get the answer to why i do. i just you know,hate you thats all. weird feelings huh.

2010-07-16T03:53:00.000-07:00

Life.

i know i just posted something just now. cant resist the temptation of writing in again. ive always wanted things to go my way. ive always had dreams to live a happy flawless life. now that im older i realise all that was bullshit. tell me who in this world gets whatever they want whenever they want. tell me now. ive come to realise that life isnt that easy too. but i will survive :B ive learnt that money wont come that easy. and we need to earn it to survive. i know money doesnt pay for everything. yes undenialable true. but i also notice that without money you're as good as dead. i know ive always waste money just like that(snap),now i realise i used to be such a bitch for doing that. now that im no longer like before,i felt so guilty. and i always remind myself think of others before you. what they had back then? how they struggle to avoid stavation. how my parents sacrifies just to feed me/us. it never once cross my mind,i used to be such a heartless creature. wasting money that was given by my daddy not forgeting my momma. they work day and night just for that. but now alhamdullilah,i can appr them even more. its been a rocky journey,oh yes it has been. and they're there whenever i need 'em. and words cant explain how much i love 'em. despite whatever happened. i wouldnt make it without 'em. i love 'em and they're the best thing that ever happened to me. and now i realise im being just a noob. why so random Amira.J haha. (i guess,i just had to tell everyone how precious they are to me :B) life is so not easy-

2010-07-14T03:13:00.000-07:00

i did,fight for this love. Alhamdullilah,things getting better now. and god's willing,it will stay this way thru out the year. i hope so eh. take me as i am. you know ive been holding on,did you. life is full of unpredictable things. this is for you Farhan Aditra. things will get better. despite how long it'll takes. you just gotta believe in it and most importantly you gotta believe in yourself. dont say you cant take it anymore. think twice,you've hang on it since forever. kan? dont stop now bro. life aint easy. so true. but that doesnt mean giving up is one of the solutions. giving up is NO solution. one day,sooner or later. she'll understand you. i bet she will. give her more time to consider it.

2010-07-12T05:28:00.000-07:00

some day,i cant remember whether im really still in love with you or if i just miss you out of habit. cause im too used to lies. fake surroundings. betrayal. im used to your fake 'i love you',and now i dont know how to differentiate whats true and whats plain bullshit anymore.

i dont wanna force you in anything. do whats best for you. if you're happy,so am i. i dont want you to pretend,anymore. im not holding you back. i just want you to know that im gonna be here thru thick and thin,i promise.

in this very long emotional-confuse journey in life-

i love you,i just dont want to get fooled anymore.

im too scared to love anymore.

2010-07-10T23:25:00.000-07:00

OMG.
he's so fcking talented la. dont you think so,friends? tehee.
ive been watching his vids all this while.
ive watched all of his vids. (i dont wish to go obssesed over anything.)
he have that thaang inside him that made him so fcking cool.
i do not know why the hell am i posting bout this but its ok. i have to tell someone
how good he is. lol. i like cool guys\m/ ok byyyye,will post again later on.

2010-07-08T08:03:00.000-07:00

2010-07-07T08:00:00.000-07:00

i could really really really use wish-es right now. tehee. i want this m.fcking stomach ache to go away. ok thats number 1. number 2,i want to start studying. i dont know why,but i think im still in the holiday's mood. number 3,i want people espeacially you to realise how much ive been missing you. pain in the ass much-.- haissh. number 4,i wanna ace my subjs. provided i start studying now la right. ok set(cheey,no promises ah) . number 5,i wanna be someone you'll turn to and smile saying,"im proud of you." . number 6,i wanna know what love is. yes ive been thru this but till now ive yet to get any serious answer to what the fuck is love. number 7,i wanna feel alive again. number 8,i wanna love you. number 9,i wanna hold your hands,look deeply in your eyes and feel the connection. if there's ever a connection between us .- pfft. lastly,i wanna be happy. i want you to know,parents. that i love you guys so much. more than anything that ever happened to me. ive been sleeping late lately. now its 12.15 in the morning. i should get in bed now. byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye.

2010-07-06T09:22:00.000-07:00

tears are words that heart cant say?

ive always believe that this thing we had would last. i swear. and im hoping im right this time round. time hasnt moved. we have yet to go anywhere,too. we're still here stuck in a situation full of questions. despite the situation we're in,i fall deeper with each passing day. but try to hide it in every possible way. you're the one person i could never let go of. in your eyes,maybe its a little too soon to say that but ive been here,waiting since forever. there comes a point when i feel like giving up. but i'll think twice before i do that cause i believe we can go far. you think so? its 1.20 in the morning,and im still ironing my Npcc Uniform. haissh. tomorro going live shooting. awesome much. i dont think im sleeping any time soon. im still alive but im bearly breathing. i wanted to say so much but you wont let me. as much as how you feel annoyed bout all this, thats how much i miss you. i wanted something real. whats this?

2010-07-04T23:19:00.000-07:00

ystrday bro's birthday. today momma's birthday. momma treat kiter Seoul Garden ystrday. so the nice nice. Happy Happy Bithday You Guys ♥ big bro bought him GShock. all black. nice la cb -.- Kak Syafiqah bought him GShock also. red. haisssh,beli the beli the jealous ah. big bro bought braclet for momma. i want presents for my big day too alright guys. hehehe. err im blank,so i'll type in again later aite. lol. ok byyyyyyyyyyye.

2010-07-02T09:10:00.000-07:00

FCUK. i wanna run,yea sure. but i cant hide. can i? well,life isnt going too well for me right now. it breaks us into pieces to have to witness someone very precious in our lifes,suferring. you think so. cause i definately agree. you see me smile but all the way im torn up. its too hard for me to handle. please. no more :'( im scared of everything now. im scared of losing you,dad. you dont know how terrified i am. you are strong,and i know you can manage this ' little up hill ' in life. i'll always be here. whenever you need me. i promise,i'll always stay by your side. " if what is ahead scares you,and whats is behind hurts you,just look up. he never fail to help me. and im pretty sure he wont let you down too. " i miss you already. i love you,always have,always will.

2010-06-30T03:48:00.000-07:00

the hero you've always been.
i dont know what 'it' is but,you wont know when its gonna come and when its gonna go. no one can predict anything. so before anything happens you should start doing whatever things you want to before its too late. you dont want to end up regreting anything. like i did. there're so many people out there who will tell you that you cant but,what you've got to say is 'watch me' ,ayah. you never ever put a finger on me. never ever raise your voice at me. you never ever fail to encourage me to go on whenever i feel weak in my knees. you've always says you love me,indirectly. i know that. just that im too blinded by all the things around me that i neglected you. i should have spent more time with you. argh,its all my fault. i know you can,you're a strong and awesome person. believe in yourself,cause i do. i wanted to say this almost everytime but just that i dont know how to. i love you ayah. i always have. i might not talk to you like how some other daughters out there talk ,communicate with thier daddys but i swear i love you endlessly. without any questions. you're strong ayah. and remember im always here. im glad you was here with me in this rocky journey. ♥

2010-06-27T08:16:00.000-07:00

so ive been watching vids from just now when i still know ive yet to pack my thing for school and etc. anyways,ive been liking this song since forever. i can really relate to this song. hear it,understand the lyrics. so-my-life,right now. im always a fan of Subi. he's sick\m/ ok bye,now im really packing my things for tomorro. *not to forget,ive yet to do my schoolworks -.- argh cb. not anymore,but i still love you. this feelings wont fade away,maybe?

2010-06-26T10:23:00.000-07:00

its like whut,1.20 in the morning. yet im still not in bed. i dont know why i cant sleep. insomnia? maybe huh. so as ya'll can see i've post the thingyy down there. *pointing at the previous post,its been there for only 5 mins,tehee.* i cant help the temptation of typing in again. so here i am,one thing humans need to really remember. not to look down on others. what makes 'em so huge/special/different from the rest to look down on others. we're all the same. cruel living things. arent we? pfft .- looking down on others doesnt make you some kind of a king/queen. you'll just make a fool out of your bloody self. whats so good of yourself that you can treat other less fortunate human beings like shit? and i know im not just talking for myself,i know im talking for alot of people out there who's in this situation. we feel like talking right,but our mouth just wont open. but at some point we gotta stand for our rights. we're not here to get humilated,we're not here to get insulted. we're not here for all that motherf.ing crap. laugh all you want now,but lets see who's gonna laugh out loud on you later on. dont look down on less educated people. dont look down on less hot people out there. there's always a pretty side of a person. i dont know what 'it' is but i swear you freaks out there will get it someday. ive been trap in this situation since,forever. so for once,we're all the same. human beings,if you forget. so dont fcking look down on others and me. you look down on me,you look down on yourself. you eat food,me too. whats so special. and also dont you ever under estimate me,freako. come on,grow up you freaks. gosh,pain in the ass much -.-

2010-06-26T10:09:00.000-07:00

dont ever under estimate anyone. he's so brave just by trying,isnt he.

2010-06-24T08:16:00.000-07:00

uh huh. life is not easy,isnt it.

the truth only means something,when its hard to believe.

this thaaang right here is unbelievable,and yes its the truth.

some people just cant accept the truth. am one of those peoples .-

try to change it in anywhere. never will succeed.
i shut my eyes and the world drop deads.

we all have stories we'll never tell.

either,you'll hurt yourself or the oppsite way.

i sometimes wonder why i even bother.

when no one cares.

when everyone just say what they want,and never will think of what others might feel.

if im as cruel as those people,i swear imma pain in your ass.

i'll say whatever i like.

but when i think again,we're all just the same.

we're human beings lost in this long journey called life.

i dont wish to hurt anybody. i dont wish to get hurt too.

life is full of fake people. dontcha think so?

better things have yet to come?

yea i wish :/

i wish i couldnt feel a damn thing.

and again,does wishes/dreams come true?

in my case,it never did :'(

its like i waited my whole life for that one night.

(rock on,chris brown.)

that one night,where everything seems so right.

seems so in place.

sometimes i think i need to get away.

everything's not easy in this life.

life would be perfect if,

bad times had a fast forward buttons,

and good times had pause buttons.

all i want is to be,happy.

fuck it all.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

ok read this people. espeacially you.

whatever's in this post of mine,got nothing i repeat nothing to do with you guys.

so now you cant say im 'talking' bout you,anymore. -.-

2010-06-20T09:26:00.000-07:00

im so so sorry,i know its not quite father's day already but.. Happy Happy Father's Day,Ayah. first of all,sorry for all the trouble i gave you. orang sedar,orang slalu susahkan ayah. membebankan ayah. and im really sorry bout that. you've always been there for me when i needed help. you're the best of the best. i might not say this everyday,but i ♥ you. thanks for everything. you're a great dad,and im proud having you as one. thanks for all the attention you gave me. nothing will ever replace you,ayah,i swear.

2010-06-20T09:07:00.001-07:00

i am so sick of speaking words that no one understands. so listen to this,read the lyrics. its almost like whats in head right now. i miss you,i probably shouldnt. but oh well.. life is full of fake people. some people are meant to fall in love with each other,but not meant to be together. pfft -.- stay in my life,please.

2010-06-19T06:53:00.000-07:00

was listening to music. play this song,and suddently i feel like i can really relate to this song. pfft. been missing you so much. i bet you dont care,at all. i dont know what im thinking/feeling these few days. i miss you,yes i do. but i still think of him. i think 1 part of me will always miss him. hmm,ok la bye.

2010-06-19T05:40:00.000-07:00

(cheeky kan? i know,hehehe.)

eh hey. ystrday went out with the girls,watch Karate Kid. it was awe to the some. reach home at 9pm. i enjoyed my day. thanks girls. next appointment eh girls,hehe. i didnt know i miss them so much until ysterday. twin's like so pretty now la. i mean prettier. every single one of them change for the better ah. me? i dont know just yet. today went out with family. hmm ah ok that about it. then now at home alone. i feel so lonely. currently listening to Paramore. as days goes by,i still wonder who am i to you. like who are we. i miss who you were. argh i dont know what im talking bout here. im talking crap. hehe. err blank. ok baii. (you're stupid if you read this,cause clearly me myself dont know what the hell im talking about.)

2010-06-19T00:54:00.000-07:00

at last,dpt dngr his voice after a long long time. didnt know i miss him that much. i hope one day you can see me. and your heart skip a beat.

2010-06-18T09:21:00.000-07:00

2010-06-14T09:21:00.000-07:00

done packing. i just reached home from chalet,today. and tomorro i gotta wake up early again for camp. and after this camp,there's another Np camp. wapiang eh,i feel tired already. help me! i gotta admit,i have friend. pretty ones. not-so-pretty ones. but still they're happily with someone. i miss being loved. thats all. sometimes i wonder,why am i not loved? i just miss the times we had together back then. but now,now its all diffirent. yes,maybe we're together. but just, 'together' doesnt make me feel wanted/loved. you seldom call me. you seldom msg me. infact you dont remember anything about that one big day. then you still wanna say we're together. that's 'together' in your eyes? strange cause in my eyes,never is near to 'together,in love' . im still hoping that one day god open your eyes,and see how much i love you. ok done,baaiii. 7 am for tomorro,no way. ok baii aii.

2010-06-12T01:43:00.000-07:00

currently at Costa Sand,chalet. everyone's out to swim -.- i cant,waah cb. but its ok,i enjoy the time alone. lols. hmm i dont know what else to do right now. i help momma marinate prawn,meat & fish the day before,for today. its very tiring,but its fun no doubt. we slept at 4 am yesterday. waapiang eh,i feel like sleeping right now. i just took picture with my aunt,Norita and Nadia.the 'Camera Queen' . wherever there's camera they'll find everyway to take picture. lol. cute ah they all . when i get the picture,i'll post it immediatly aite. lol. i know im talking crap here. but who cares. better than talking to myself like some kind of retards. cepatla,korang. swim pon nak lamer2. arrgh. ok la,baii aii.

2010-06-10T09:24:00.000-07:00

today's the day,i got the answer to what i wanted to know so bad. today's also the first day he reply me .- god. i waited for your msg,like everyday. i realise these few days that he didnt msg me when he said he's going to,i wake up every single day,the first thing i wanna search for is my phone. i want to see his name appear there,right in front of my eyes. but unfortunately,that never happens. until just now. yes,i thank god. at least he wanna reply me right. but still,one word msg. whatfck? whatfck is this. im making an effort to get in touch with long-lost you,you know. but you? are you even trying to? i wanted to know,who am i to you. well the truth is,ive met 'The One' . and he's not in love with me. and until i stop loving him,no one else really has a chance. im full of questions,i swear. if only you have the time to answer it. i really need to talk to you,iqyn. ok done its late,not really. baii aii.

2010-06-09T07:39:00.000-07:00

currently at Nasyitah's. just got back from Novena & Bugis with her. bought her Maxi Dress. ok im lazy to elaborate,ok baaaii aii. going home in a while. i'll post again when im free tomorro.

2010-06-08T02:13:00.000-07:00

fcking cb. i dont know what to feel. i dont know who to trust anymore.

everyone wears a mask,kan?

satu cakap laen,lagi satu cakap laen.

i trusted you m.f

im a fool for waiting so long:'(

people say,

a heartbreak is always a blessing from God.

it maybe a very scary nightmare that leave you crying

in the middle of the night.

but its just his way of letting you realise,

he saved you from the wrong one.

2010-06-07T08:47:00.000-07:00

i am so fcking bored that i just "Jeng Jeng Jeng" people's tagboard.

lol ok baiiii aiii.

iqyn , naq & alz mangse ku XD

2010-06-06T23:36:00.000-07:00

heey. went out with the usuals - Farah & Yanti. Farah went bali,Yanti i dont know why. more pictures coming right up. still waiting for alz and sharliza. Sharliza's open house. it was hell of a fun. we karaoked all the way. Sharliza's momma,she rock big time. haha. i came late cause i was preparing for kite flying with momma's side but end up momma said we'll go alilbit later than usual. so i decided to go her house for awhile. meet everyone there including Jueta. but too bad,she have to go right when i reached. haisssh. i miss you la spring ; D meet up soon aite. after that,around 6 went T1 then TMall. walked around,searching for musq's earstud,my present for Farhan. and yess,basicly just walking around. after that we decided to go our own ways. Naz and Musq,meeting their i dont know who. Naq and Alz,meeting their fams for dinner. Iqyn and Me,waiting for my family. after that,went Marina Barrage,Changi to have our late dinner. around 12.45am we head home. ystrday was awe to the s to the o to the m to the e. currently not doing anything. i havent mandi. ooopss,shh. i am soooo haaaaang-gereeh man. ive been waiting for his msg,day after day. but like what i predict he never did msg me but he said he will :/ he dont wanna leave,i dont wanna go. but we're stuck in a situation so nasty. then now what. pfft.

2010-06-04T08:18:00.000-07:00

hey hey hey. currently at aunt's house. cousin's wedding tomorro. Congrats Kakak,i ♥ you. everyone's busy helping out,im busying on the comp. busy waiting for your msg. come fast,pfft. ok la brb. hehehe. to be continued-

2010-06-03T03:26:00.000-07:00

well im back. never judge a book by its cover,like many other people say. really,do not. i dislike this trainer maybe because he's diff. he stand out from the rest. he's in charge of this one station,but he dont talk. we were asking alll sort of question,but he'll reply one word and one word and one word. cool? no. but what i know was he's,amoug all,he's the very-not-fun trainer. but at the end of the station,he told us one thing. "Be confident,believe in yourself." which is i think the first amoug all trainers that ever say that to us. that one sentence make a huge impact on me. maybe not on the others but on me. i dont know why,but i can feel him. he makes it feels so deep that i tear. ive gone thru hard ways of learning what life is. and i know how it feel when you yourself is scared to believe in you because the thought of making the wrong decision is always in your mind. am i right. cause ive always felt that way ah. and the worst part is when im stuck,i dont know what to do. why must everything be so fckingcb. ok im done,for now. at least i fell better after posting. k baiiii.

2010-05-24T02:52:00.000-07:00

Hey hey hey. i am bored. so bored. exam's over,oh yes. results,oh no. currently at iqyn's house. she's sleeping,yup what else right? haha. its ok. today is fun. Math class,free period. Miss Gan didnt attend class just now. English free period. Cme not by Mr Chew. Homec watch vid. Science first period go thru exam scripts,the remaining 2 periods is free period. waah,fun like hell la i tell you. today had alot alot,alot of free period so we talked alot too. hehe. talked about everything. but the only thing i could remember is,we talked about afterlife. scary,i know. i had alot of questions but unfortunately no one knows the answer to it. pfft. like only god knows whats gonna happen next. after school sit down with khairel iqyn haqim at the courtyard. and guess what we talked bout afterlife also. haissh. whats wrong with us today,everything afterlife afterlife. i want you to be happy even if its not with me. yeaa,totally diff thing. haha. yes it is hard for me to let go of everything. not that we started a thaaaang. pfft. but i think my feeling's for you is huge. what makes you happy,that makes me happy too. so even if its not me. its ok,i'll try to work on my part. and you'll work on your part. deal? i just wanna see you happy. that is all. there never was anyone else. i only wanted you. ive learnt that poeple will fforget what you said. people will forget what you did. but people will never forget how you made them feel. i never forget how you made me feel wanted. unlike now. sometimes you jjust have to try not to care s no matter how much you do. cause sometimes you mean nothing to someone who means everything to you. no one can ever promise you that they will never leave you because at one point in time it will happen. its just a matter oof time. ive learnt it from experince. i thought you were someone special but you turn out to be just like other guys. promise and let me down over and over and over again. maybe because im just too numb.

2010-05-22T08:37:00.000-07:00

i miss being important. i miss being the one who wakes you up 3 in the morning just because i needed someone to listen to my stories. i miss being loved. its easy when you're not in my shoes. but its not when you're the one experiencing it yourself. i miss what we call 'love'.

2010-05-15T04:31:00.000-07:00

You're an awesome person.

Happy Happy Birthday.

you make me,who i am today.

i ♥ you. always have. always will.

2010-05-10T09:27:00.000-07:00

2010-05-10T00:21:00.000-07:00

i need this space,just like you need it.

i cant wait to hate you.

but why.

why is it so hard to let go.

for a minute there i lost myself.

i dont know what to do.

blank.

i wish i could press reset.

doesnt mean there arent days when

it all just come rushing back.

i cant wait to hate you,

cause right now i need you so bad.

and i just keep having one last thing to say.

i just dont know how to spit it all out.

and i just wanna hold you,touch you.

but i also feel like killing you.

why is this so hard.

everything is so hard.

i never wanted this.

i never asked for this.

but why i have to face it.

i thought we had something special.

you gave me false hope.

maybe its just me.

maybe its just that i hope too much.

but i really felt that feeling inside.

whats all this.

is that 'feelings'.

but why do 'feelings' lie.

'feelings' dont lie.

i gotta take a lilttle time.

time to think it all over.

love's killing me.

i dont know if i can face it again.

i laugh to keep myself from crying,like almost all the time.

you came to me like a dream.

dream's fairytales?

you're fairytales too then.

there comes a point where i just have to

stop trying because it hurts too much to pretend anymore.

ive been faking it all this while.

i know ive convince people that well.. all this is a piece of shit.

but no i lied.

im still working vking hard to let go.

help me please.

i can hear you when you whisper.

but you cant even hear me screaming.

you mean so much to me.

im currently in this long and confusing process

of figuring out who i am and what

i want to do in my life.

to still care bout someone,

who never cared for you.

that is the most foolish thing.

but what can i do.

i hate you,and then i love you.

its like i wanna throw you off a cliff and rush

to the bottom to catch you.

argh,cb.

i am tired of everything.

2010-05-08T22:20:00.000-07:00

Im sorry if im not the best girl you can get. im sorry im being such a naughty girl all this while. im sorry for all that things you have to sacrifies for me. im sorry i make you nag day and night. sometimes i wonder what would happen if you stop nagging if you stop guiding me in life. i think i wouldnt be able to live life happily like now. i know im not perfect as a daughter. but i ♥ you alot. thanks for everything. you've been very patience with me. thanks for being there whenever i needed someone. thanks for taking care of me. even tho i know im not easy to be taken care of. i admit sometimes i get really harsh on you,i know im wrong. im so sorry. you're the best mom ever. you try so hard to stop me from mixing/doing things that might get myself in trouble but sometimes i simply just dont listen. you taught me how to appr life. you taught me to be who i am today. i Thank you for that. im not the type of daughter that says i ♥ you every now and then but that doesnt mean i dont. i do,♥ you mom. nothing can describe how much i ♥ you. i may not be the best daughter but i swear i appr all the things you've done for me. even tho sometimes i get piss off and i show you that attitude,deep inside i still ♥ you. i mean i wont be here if its not cause of you right. ibu selalu sabar if it comes to me. like ibu always take the blame just to protect me. im glad i have you,mom. tidak ade insan lain yang dapat menggantikan tempatmu,ibu. orang selalu tengkeng2 kat ibu. orang slalu jahat kat ibu. orang minta maaf banyakbanyak. sorry orang tkde duit nak belikan ibu ape2. hehe. i buatkan ibu card tu. and i hope you like it la eh ibu :D

2010-05-06T07:04:00.000-07:00

since i dont have money to buy you presents. naah look at this,my little present. cute kan this picture. if only that exist eh. maybe i'll buy it for you someday. tapi too bad,tkde kat spore. you're awesome. you're very sweet. very kind. very pretty. very i-want-to-slap-you also. hehe. you're a nice girl,too bad some people dont realise that. but be happy cause i ♥ you alot. you never fail to make me smile. never fail to make me laugh. you find every way to make me feel wanted. i thank you for all that. i hope all your wishes come true aliyah. and sorry,i tend to buatkan name2 mrepek untok kau. hehe. really sorry. its fun. ok err if i were to list down all the good things in you. it would take forever. basicly whenever you need me,im here. always here. dont forget i always will ♥ you my Nuraliyah Intan Emyriah Sumprano.

2010-05-05T05:38:00.001-07:00

God.

Im being so rude to my mother.

2010-05-04T03:44:00.000-07:00

was so pissed off. fed up. this dont feel like home anymore. thefck. everyone here's quarelling. argh,mangsa keadaan betol la aku ni. for once family,settle down. god. whats wrong. everything is. people say life's fun/happy or whatever. prove,please? to problems,screw you m.f okay stfu AmiraJ. tomorro having math mock exam. but yet i still feel like shit-.- had counseling after like what 1 months 2 months? it was ok. started off positive but then later during the counseling i told him what i should've long ago. i cant take it any longer. even tho he might think that yaa that about it. but no there's more to it. he told me im having a hard time,yes. he said how bad this situation im having right here,right into my face. and yes thats it Mr Zaini. he's right,he can read my mind. -.0 And thanks my darling Jaja. you're just a phone call away,i know. thanks alot girl. i wont hesitated to call you when im down,dont worry. ok back to mock exam. TOMORRO. lalala cb. im done. studying for tomorro. bye.

2010-05-03T05:49:00.000-07:00

heyheyhey. yesterday night had very2 hot fever. i dont know why suddenly it hits me. haissh. but alhamdullilah,im better now. not having fever anymore. eldest bro took care of me the whole night yesterday. he tekap2 my head,body with freezing cold water. and now im no longer burning inside. terime kasih many2 abang :D still having headache but at least now its better than yesterday. i was shivering all night. i was so cold but inside me im so burning hot. get it? haha. lol. whatever,its good that i feel better now. so i can go school tomorro! Yeaaah. exams coming real soon,dont forget AmiraJ. must take good care of yourself. i was sick the previous week also. haissh,chippps. today went out with family despite my condition -.-" masai lilkid!!! i wanna know how it goes :D lol,ok da shhh. hmm one thing. 'Is it really that hard to let go of someone? Or is it just really hard because you still hope there's a chance.' hmm think bout it. when i ask you,you cant let him go. and then i asked you why. you said you're not sure. is this one of your reasons? then why show me that attitude,like as if you over and done with all this. but still you wished there's hope-.-" tired of you. da la,try my best not to talk bout you. ok done. listening to only exception,and tomorro no math. jezzzz. a good thing and a bad thing. lol. saw this one guy at downtown just now with my family. pakai supra or whatever ah,then give me that look. like as if i care only la,he pakai supra ke saprok ke ape2 ke. baru supra brother,bukan nike,bukan globe bukan ape2 ah. tkmu act ah-.-" so the tak kuase. he gimme that look then i walk off. whatever la brother -.-" m.f who you think you are. cant be bothered. raye 09's picture. ok bye. wanna eat and watch avatar and sleep. mehehe.

2010-05-02T00:17:00.000-07:00

im so happy for you girl. you deserve it. i told you,you rock. you refused to believe. so here's the proof :-_) you've gone thru alot,alot i repeat. and now you need not suffer anymore. i told you,god wont give you anything you cant handle. so keep on believing. you're doing great. its time for a change? ;-) you're awesome,go easy on yourself. i'll be here whenever you need me aite masai lilkid. kau memang mrepek + more mrepek + masai + everything else,but you're still my friend. there's no reason not to love you. no wonder,he's obsessed with you. kan. *wink* be happy for once,im tired of crying with you. so no more crying ok. lets live life to the fullest. you deserve this,screw what people say. sometimes,someone says something so small and it just fits right into this empty place in your heart,kan? dont you think thats love? :D

2010-04-29T07:29:00.000-07:00

2010-04-27T05:07:00.000-07:00

i wanna go school tomorro. please AwesomeAllah. took my ipod from Farah already. today. haha. sorry eh korang,cam lambat siket gitu kan. im not in the mood-.- hmm i dont really like the word 'forever. because it always let me down. Touching Story. A girl and a guy was speeding over loo mph on a motocycle. Girl: slow down,im scared. Guy: no,this is fun. Girl: no its not,please slow down. Guy: then tell me you love me and give me a hug. The girl did so. Guy: can you take my helmet and put it on yourself,its really bothering me. The next day in the paper, "A motocycle crashed into a building due to brake failure." Two people were involved but only 1 survived. The truth is halfway through the guy realised that the brakes were not working,but he did not want the girl to know. So he had her hug him and tell him she love him 1 last time. Then he had her put on his helmet so she would live,even if it meant he would die. yes it is,very touching. i almost cried. its a forwarded msg,long ago. but still every time i read it back,i tend to tear up. i showed it to Farhan. Farhan: *laughoutloud* . Me: why are you laughing. i almost cried when i first read this. Farhan: dont be stupid. its fairy tales. you seriously think someone would do that. like foreal? (cb ah he). Me: kau ni,pig ah! orang tngh feeling2. Farhan: then you're stupid. tngh2 journey dkt road kau nak suroh matair kau bukak helmet kau and pakai. one question ah babe,how you gonna do that. mane kau nak check side mirror. mane kau nak check krete kat depan. krete kat depi moto kau sume. kalau aku,tak kuase la. da tau gitu,mati together sua. HAHAHA,kan betol tk? Me: love can make you do anything Farhan Aditra. (aku pon cam ye ye je,haha.) eh tapi betol jugak eh. by the time kau nak bukak helmet tu,kiterorang da langgar krete depan eh. HAHAHAHAHAA. Farhan: ah pandai. tau pon kau eh. so dont waste your time dreaming that one day,a guy would do that to you. haha. (im not even dreaming. bodonye pig) our text. funny like hell like he. until now,its something that we laugh at. that stupid pig always know the way to make me laugh even tho my mood isnt as good as it supposed to be. he keep on saying,girls dream alot. kan mcm sial tu. haha. whatever la. guys sucks,more.

2010-04-26T04:34:00.000-07:00

fukerdudeyyy. fever,very the hot. arrrgh. flu,very the rabak. why must today? exams around the corner only you know. scary the mary,cb la. mc until wednesday. one maths lesson-that-i-really-need's gone. didnt attend school today,pfft. still got mc for 2 days-.- i try my best to go school tomorro despite my condition. i cant afford to throw my math lesson just like that. looking at this picture,i miss phy prac. Mr Kim's an awesome teacher,its just that im not interested in his lessons/teory. oh ya! talking bout Mr Kim's lesson,ive yet to buy my science long-lost book. and its less than a week till Science Mid-Year. oh great-.- currently chatting with Awesome Khai. i feel so guilty. i still do,you know. but dont force me to do things i dont want to. please. ive been telling you that, things are not like how it used to be,kan. i told you alot of times. but why,why you refused to wake up and face reality. i know its hard,ive been there before. ive gone thru this myself too. but somehow you gotta wake up and stop dreaming and to start a new leaf. face reality. sorry but its too much. its starting to get on my nerve. we're friends and just friends. so dont expect me to layan or reply or text or tegoh or whatever you want me to do,always. cause i have alot of other things to do. tapi i'll give you more time to continue bothering me,cause i know anyone at all when they're in this situation nothing works. so take your time,try to forget me. but seriously before its too late,i suggest you move on. you're a nice guy. dont waste your time. you can do this,you can move on. everyday i suffer also,thinking how cruel am i to do this to you. but feelings dont lie. they dont joke around. or do they? this might says so shoik sendiri or whatever you call it but listen up. thank for liking me,friend. thanks for being there whenever i needed someone. but i didnt thought that you want something behind it. thanks for waiting. thanks for understanding. thanks for everything. but it'll be awesome if you can forget me and move on. ive learnt that feelings dont lie. even if you say i love you thousand times,but when one does not have that feelings for the other then things wont change. ive learnt this from my own experience. sooner or later you'll realise that this is all a waste of time. like how ive realised it. why bother queing up when you know the stalls not open. im truly sorry. i dont know how many times have i say this but ya im sorry. i just dont have that same feelings toward you. and like what ive said feelings dont lie. i know how painful it is for someone you like for so long ignored you just ditch you. ive gone thru all that. so now for your own good,leave me. i dont want to hurt you like how i had. i dont want to be cruel. so go away. ive warned you. so later when you get hurt even deeper dont blame it all on me. k im done. no mood. bye.

2010-04-23T04:22:00.000-07:00

having a good time chatting with them. im out of pictures so i took this. lol. Toyol,upload picture please. HAHAHAHAA. and sorry Faiz i didnt watch tadi,i forget about it. so sorry. had Mother Lida today. it was ok. still chatting with Naq. hmm i dont know what to blog about. Ok,tomorro's Cross-Country. nbei cb. i cant run,i dont want to. pfft. cannot make it la gini. okok really out of words. k bye. dislike you more,im happy.

2010-04-22T03:52:00.000-07:00

Mid Year. English,over. its do-able. such word? haha. alhamdullilah. i was stuck with letter writing for the first few minutes. slowing but surely those thing Miss Vani thought us come along. Free Writing was alright. to me its not that tough but still im scared. i wanna pass my exam,awesomeallah. tomorro's Mother Lida. its gonna be just fine. hope so. pfft. went TenderBest with the usuals after paper. then straight to 893. today semua orang mrepek. talk cock. haha. listening to Andrew. still figuring out whats wrong with him. he's talented yet he's out. wtf. why judge why. must be simon. heheXD Aaaaaaan you stupid pig! online la bacen. i wanna tell you something. and if you're reading this,cepat call rumah aku! pig you,stop dreaming start studying. haha. cb. like as if you started studying already la eh Farhan Aditra. gi jalan da kau. Aan,kau nak kene penumbooook sakti dari aku ah. you watch out,haha. cheey,mcm real eh. faster you pig! call me. Hp gi buang la. got hp pon tk charge,besarnye pig. kk da,i wanna eat. bye. i dislike you more today and im happy.

2010-04-20T06:50:00.000-07:00

AwesomeAllah! arrrgh,im scared! what to do. what can i do,to help?

what if he die starving?

what if he needs the toilet?

what if he never come back?

what if he had enough of all this?

what if he choose to run away?

he may be nobody to you,but he's still my uncle. i dont know,but i hate it when you do that to him. what were you thinking. where's your sifat Kemanusiaan?! i cant take this anymore. we do not treat him like that. we do not,alright. maybe yes you know him better,but one thing i must ask you. sifat Kemanusiaan,mane eh tersembunyi? i feel like slapping you. if i could. we dont have the rights to do that to him. please please,dont. when i saw you chasing him out,i tear. wtf i cant imagine what he'll be doing down there. let him in!!!! :'(

you cant do that to him la ibu. i mean he pon ader perasaan. he pon ade stomach,ader rase lapar,ader rase thirsty like us. dont just because he's special you can trest him like trash. memang he buat salah,tapi tell me who doesnt. orang feel like someone stab me from behind when i saw ibu marah2 dier then sepak2 dier. cannot like that la. im begging you. kecian kan dier la,a lil bit more. i know you've been sabar-ing all this while,but please can you sabar a lil bit more. if not for him,for ayah la. cause whatever it is he's still ayah's younger brother. i mean you cant do that to anyone at all. like ive said,where's your sifat kemanusiaan ibu. i dont want to sound rude but i really got to let it out. you're too much ibu.

2010-04-19T06:07:00.000-07:00

"i dont care how fucked up this life is as long as i can live it with you." aww,thats so sweet of you. i dont care if you saw this somewhere else,Aan. what matter is,you said it to me. awesome. so thats NPAP's picture. ouch,i still feel the pain. argh cb. i think i miss Chong We Sir,lol. and his fierce-ness. currently listening to Beggin. im bored. really. oh and yes! ive gotten my CA1. i failed 3 subjects. arrrrrghhh. more problems. after school today,went library. studied math,what else right. haiss. constant proportion thingy2. alhamdullilah,i understand :) and i pass my maths test on the constant proportion thing,weeeee. i hope this thingy last. i wannt to ace all my maths test. illah eh. ok da i dont know what to blog bout,so bye. & i dislike you more today,and im happy.

2010-04-18T08:32:00.000-07:00

so mind your own business. you're nobody,to tell me what to do. cause its my life,you gotta remember. i leave your life alone,leave mine. please im begging you,have heart. its 11.40pm yet im still wide awake. i cant sleep,dont know why. ive been trying to be happy all this while. its working. alhamdullilah. but there's time when i still ask myself why i dont feel alive. is it because of the 'Happy Process' . you gotta stop thinking about the most precious thing on earth. you gotta stop thinking bout that someone that makes you smile all this while. cause somewhere deep inside,you're hurt by them. that just suck,i know. but its still for your own good. pfft,i dont know. i am happy but just that sometimes i dont feel,i dont feel that im being me you see. well,i know its hard to understand. cause you dont know what im going thru. but i really need to let this out. people always say,do whatever to make yourself happy. is this part of the 'whatever'? i dont quite get it yet. no doubt,im still happy. AwesomeAllah,please help me.

2010-04-16T06:14:00.000-07:00

its finally Friday. tight schedule this week. pheeww. NPAP Actual Day,tomorro. please AwesomeAllah. let me in. please make someone not able to attend the Actual Day. [ may sound quite evil but i really badly wanna,not be the reserve-.- ] my tiring few months turn to dust. arrrgh ya allah :/ . i was too busy with everything that i forget to return lib's book. fail. overdued for almost 2 weeks. issh walao. sorry my dear Huda. i swear it wasnt on purpose. if im not busy i intend to return the book long ago but due to my busy-ness i didnt. really sorry. im getting better. in reminding myself there's more to life. i hope i stay strong. cause there's no guarantee that this life is easy. we just gotta believe in ourself,in whatever we do. so to those,im sorry you guys have to experience this now. i pity ya'll. you gotta stand strong alright :) i know you can do it. to that little masai friend of mine,i wish you could see yourself like the way i see you. you're pretty inside out. you deserve the world. dont let this tiny thing pulls you down alright. be strong,awesomest friend\m/ ok da i wanna polish my boot. NPAP!!! i dislike you more today,and im happy. ok bai ai ai ai.

2010-04-14T06:30:00.000-07:00

today suck. im this bit away from going RR,late for school. bro use berre. np belt dont know where. new np belt metal thingy came off. sat at grand stand with the rest of the cadets. those,U-form problem,headache or whatever. for the whole training. cb-.- and this might lead to me not becoming the main team. arrgh fcker. reserve ah ni. cb la. arrgh. ive been giving my all for the past few months but this is what i get in return. ala fcker la. i feel like crying sey! ish,knowing tht i have high chance in not being the main team. i really badly wanna be the main team. sir,*slapyouhard*. she really thinks she's the Next Big Thing. pity her,cause we dont think so. big flirt. wtever girl. nafa tomorro. issssssssssh :'( tak smangat sey if it comes to 2.4 awesomeallah,help me please. my stamina's,not there at all. to those in hard times. take it easy,take it slow. cause there's no guarantee that this life's easy. awesomegod will not give us more than what you're capable of handling. i know you guys can do it. best of luck. i still dont understand why people think they have to live up to the world's standard. just,be yourself-.- i miss who you were. i dislike you more today,im happy. done.

2010-04-13T04:24:00.000-07:00

-Good friends(Y)-

be happy not because everything's perfect nor because everything goes your way. be happy because everything sucks but you are doing just fine. yeah true la true. im trying and starting to believe in it now. ive been better. not saying that problems stop coming,no. it still is flowing but ive learn to look away from it. WTF. MY COMP LAG,IVE TYPE ALOT. THEN IT AUTOSAVE,AND SAVE ONLY THIS? WTF. NABEI. DA LA IVE NO MOOD TO BLOG DA-.-

2010-04-12T05:13:00.000-07:00

2010-04-12T04:04:00.000-07:00

someone just reminded me that problem is a part of life. without problems there's no life. there's no challenges. and that makes life easy. but life's not easy,remember. so dont complain if you've been getting alot of problems lately. its how you face it. i may not know the best way to solve a problem but im trying. at least. its hard time for me lately,and i wish things had turned up differently. its too late. nothing change. im still stuck in my wonderland. i dont seem to get things teachers says. i dont seems to be interested in anything. things at home,pfft. i just need to face it,i guess. i want this to get better. please AwesomeAllah,i want things to get better. but im still happy\m/ NAFA was pweee,tiring. 2.4 on thursday,i hope i pass. chatting with this anak Selamat. i dislike you more today and im happy. da la ok bye.

2010-04-10T03:44:00.000-07:00

I love you also means i love you more than anyone loves you,or has loved you,or will love you, and also i love you in a way that no one loves you,or has loved you,or will love you,
and also i love you in a way that i love no one else,and never have loved anyone else,and never will love anyone else. you've always been there for me. whenever. wherever. you can understand me even when im not talking. you can tell whats going on when no
one else cant. i know,all of a sudden right. haha. i just had to say it. you're there,
listening to everything i have to say. and you're there,supporting me. you've been there
since forever. no homo but i love you. always do. thanks for being my closefriend.
you're awesome \m/

2010-04-09T08:09:00.000-07:00

back on track. went NPAP today. was raining,drill in grill shed but i still feel its tiring. cause i gave my all (Y) ;B its one training away to the actual day. i was so caught up with NPAP that i forget to inform momma and daddy bout the meet-the-parent. ridiculous. jezz,im so dead. Mr chew will lecture me for 9 straight hours. haiss. no choice,i gotta tell him to set one day if he really wants to meet my parents. nafa's on monday/tuesday. i know im not prepared for it. arrgh. so far i didnt fail any 2.4 km run yet but i sure did struggle to the finish line. pfft,i suck la bodo. to whoever yang terase. why go NPAP if all you want to do is flirt here flirt there. tu tak pasal,beh noisy2. childish bunch of idiots. you say they're unreasonable,you dont know what you're talking about. come on,if kau joke2 alil bit,i dont mind ah. i take jokes. tapi kalau cam melebih gitu je kan,sorry ah you're messing with the wrong person la. who do you think you are? what makes you special that you can order2 people to do what you want them to? you're nobody la. you're just like us,cadets. you think just because you're brave enough to do what we normally dont dare to,we must follow whatever you say. i dont repect people like you. you can go die,you can say im just being somekind of joke. you can bad mouth me to other. but i still wont allow anyone to fool me around. im not your dog. you guys cant see that she's just using ya'll. you guy's really didnt realise that? if she wants something she'll ask you guys to take it for her. but when everything's ok she'll talk behind you guy's back. well if you guys dont then im telling you right now. she is using you guys just to satisfy her needs and wants. you can say whatever you want girl,but im not dumb. ader hati nak masok tapi prangai like shit. wtf. piker kau mane nye besar la kan bole suroh2 org buat bende untuk kau. maybe the others would think you're the best. but sorry,not me. you cannot treat me like dog like how you treat the rest. no way man. i rather sit infront one corner in the bus than run around attracting peoples attention. at least i dont go around trying to get up close to every guy in the bus la,-.- . dont test me. dont try me. dont push my limits ah friend. -.- m.f . i dislike today but i like Fridays,lol. tomorro's saturday people,dont feel like sleeping. haha. oh yes. ive finish 'waiting for you' . its a great book,really. going whitesand's lib to return it and borrow a new book,weekend. wwoooo. it doesnt makes sense to let go of something you have wanted for so long,but it also doesnt make sense to hold on when there's nothing there :\ i dislike you more today,and im happy. bye.

2010-04-08T06:09:00.000-07:00

i want time to stop during that one moment if i knew its coming.

i'll remember today and i'll never forgets. so ok,today's tiring. uhhuh it sure is. did project after school with Assy,Afiq,Qyn & me. we did a good job,that irritating m.f cme project. and we're almost done,a lilbit of touch up here and there and we're done. not. history's crazy. im going crazy because of history. m.f . i cant sleep,wondering what happen. why do i feel so 'belong'. i want it to last. but the moment i step back to earth i know there's no way thats gonna happen. people says that Disneyland is the happiest place on earth,obviously they've never been in yourarms. i know its over,and it never really began but in my heart it was so real. i dont wanna talk bout it,arrgh. i dislike you more today,and im happy. bye.

2010-04-07T05:13:00.000-07:00

went Peranakan Museum instead of NPAP. as you can see,up there. tough one ah i can tell you. i have to decide on which one to go. haiss. i know Mr Lian wants me go NPAP but he didnt show it. lol. sorry ah cher. anw,nadiah and ekyn didnt go also ah. i promise i wont miss any trainings anymore. ok done. so the trip's awesome (Y) Peranakan Museum someway in orchid,i think. i was sleeping otw back to school. exhausted. hmm currently doing nothing. yesterday,i was so annoyed with you. i dont know why you're acting this way. i felt guilty,yes im sorry. but you cant change what's done you see. you've been quite harsh on me lately. you dont realise it. mom wanna use the comp. thefckmuch -.- ok i dislike you more today,im happy. bye.

2010-04-06T05:12:00.000-07:00

i am tired. burning hot la today. going to Peranakan Museum thingy tomorro. bodo. clash with NPAP. i dont want to miss any of NPAP trainings but neither do i want to miss the trip. since ive miss one of the Peranakanan trips before already,i seriously dont want to throw this chance away again-.- fuckedudey. tight schedule. you know what. i just sedar that Miss Gan's not that bad afterall. she jokes around also. and she's still particular in our works. she'll push you,hard, you dont even know you're that strong. i sound so jiwang-ish. meek,haha. i used to hate maths,who doesnt right. xD but now guess what im starting to like it. but still i suck at it. i realise that i tend to jump jump jump one topic to another. lol. sorry guys. and yes i just had my dinner yet im still hungry. i said 'fat'. shaun said, ' can see that. ' . cbei. haha. im eating again soon. hehe. having nafa next monday or isit tuesday. haiss,fcking nervous. what if i didnt make it through. what if i faint have way again. aiyoo. ok one last thing before i go get my stomach full. " life is susah la brother. life's not easy. i bet everyone agrees. being a human is exhausting. i dont know if it works la kan. but just hear me out. just because you fail once,doesnt mean you're gonna fail at everything. keep trying,hang in there and always always always believe in yourself. because if you dont,then who will. [ i believe in you,lol. ] keep your head high. and most importantly keep smiling. i wish everyone didnt have such high expectations of me too. i told you before right. so tengok..you said you're alone in this. but you're totally wrong. cause i have problems just like yours jugak. so why worry. dont worry too much la ok farhan. you said no one understands what you're going thru. and again you made a mistake. cause i know exactly what you're going thru and how you're feeling right now. not to worry,im always here for you la farhan. im just a call away brother. tu pon kalau kau malas kan nak gi bangon dari katil amek phone kau tok call aku,aku tak tau la ape nak cakap xD tu cannot help it la kan. tu kau nye pasal. pemalas,pigg! rest je kau tau,gi shower la smellyboy. da la,you must be happy. if not now then soon :B" ok im done. i dislike you more today,and im happy.

2010-04-05T03:32:00.000-07:00

today suck. what do you expect. mondays always suck right. 3 periods of math & science. i tell you,hell. graph,woo i like it. had NILB after school today. 'none is left behind' ,imagine ah.. thefck. haiss. NILB end at 3.30pm. meet the usuals at 893 afterwards. bought TenderBest then straight to 893. thanks iqyn :B you guys[farah and the usuals.],suck. haha. you guys,damn sick. you guys made me laugh so hard i feel like vomiting. cb :B asimah and khai was there too. hmm i got nothing to talk bout. and yes one thing. why. why now you shuts up. why now you stop all your nonsence. *rolleyes* skarang baru nak diam? skarang baru nak step all innocent. i mean you've been acting innocent all this while but now you're acting more innocent. hek-elerrrr,you thought you could control everything huh. fact is,you cant. who are you. know what,i dislike you more today. two face idiot. issh. when i look back,and see how dump i am to trust you truly. and now this. arrgh. i dislike you. i dont hate you,yet. im just disappointed you turned into everything you said you'd never be. i aint faking it. maybe you should just stop. stop all your crap. i just realise,you suck. im not living for others,anymore. and for sure not for you girlfriend -.- da la,talk bout you makes me go crazy. why make myself go crazy when you're out there having fun destroying other's life. and one more thing friend,if you cant prove it then might as well dont make a deal. why promise when you know somehow you're gonna break it -.- ok da fullstop comma at the end of the day im still happy. im tired of being that little one everyone steps on to. so now,i'll pray hard you'll suffer just as much as i do (Y) good luck to you ah my true friend. i dislike you more today,and im happy. bye. pissed.

2010-04-02T04:35:00.000-07:00

a prove that says im moving on. and because of me. and not anyone else. excuse me,i dont blame others for my own weakness. i wanna be happy. i am happy. Good Friday today. went out with family,lunch at Arnold. awesome. after that went Tmall. thought of going Suntex but everyone went out. wtf much. but im still happy. im getting happier day by day. im proud to say that i made people's day xD i know cousin loves me alot. that makes me happy. i know farhan wont hate me. that makes me happy too. i know i make people laugh even to the lamest jokes ever. that makes me happy. see i told ya im happy. i dont wanna be sad,anymore. im tired of crying. im exhausted. to you. who's still suffering[yela,suffering la sangat. pfft -.- like you've said. trying to move on but what shit what shit. blah blah blah. two face idiot],good luck ah. im sick and tired of trying to understand you when you're not doing anything. im sorry but i cant live for others,anymore. i had enough. im tired of. of you. ok done fullstop Im doing,nothing. i'll die of boredom. im hungry. one last thing,i dislike you more today. and im happy \m/ ok bye.